– Sunday, November 1, 2015 3:04 PM
Today is day one with no sugar.
The American Heart Association recommends keeping all added sugars below the recommended limits of 6 teaspoons/day (25g) for women and 9 teaspoons (38g) for men.
So, I’ve changed my settings on my fitness pal and I’m doing my best to stick to this plan.
I’m miserable and have no energy and can’t think. I can do this! I can get through the worst of it! I know if I can survive two weeks then it will be easier.
– Monday, November 2, 2015 3:09 PM
Ugh! I’m totally a sugar addict. My body goes through terrible withdrawals…some people don’t have that problem but I do! I’m so sensitive! I don’t even ingest that much but not doing any really makes it hard to function. I have super foggy brain and no energy. I can barely think! The first three days will be the hardest and in 14 days I should be totally good to go! A day and a half done…I can do this!
– Tuesday, November 3, 2015 6:15 AM
Yesterday I was asked if I had considered therapy/counseling to help me walk through this life battle of Lyme Disease…. Yes! I have and I am advocate of it! However I haven’t done it because I can’t find anyone in my area that is a Lyme Literate Therapist. I have still looked for other possibilities and even found some worth a try but then I have another big thing standing in the way and that is money. I barely have enough money for groceries and I repeatedly have to choose between food or treatment. Plus, things are so tight my bank account goes negative constantly because there is no cushion. I still can’t afford all the things I need so I have to do without a lot. Then I don’t have the money to travel to see my Lyme Doc, between the gas, food, hotel and doctor visit the cost is too much and then you add on any extra treatment costs that again insurance doesn’t cover. The ones they did cover in the past didn’t cure me…antibiotics for 3 years and a pic line. What a mess! So, paying someone to talk to about the pain in my body would just cause me so much financial anxiety it isn’t worth it. So, I write and I cry and I pray and I listen. I let God carry my through this madness. And I choose to really live despite the physical pain! I cry because of the pain and cry about what I have had to give up and then I pick myself and go live and laugh and love the best I can. I feel the pain of it all and then I set it aside and in a sense pretend it isn’t there because it is always there but I can’t focus on it or it will make me curl up somewhere and never move again. Moving hurts!
It makes me think of the song Every Move I make I make in you, you make me move Jesus! And that is why I keep moving… To live out my purpose here on earth. But when I hear the song I want to sing – Every move I make it hurts so bad hurts so bad!! Lol!! Yes! That is how I feel! There are millions of people out there that feel the same way that have this same battle against Lyme and coinfections. So, I laugh, I cry, I grin and bear it, I keep moving forward in my life and job and family! I will never give up and I won’t let the tears stop me! Don’t let my tears bring you down… I am human and I feel for the pain and loss I have experienced but my spirit lives in heavenly places so I can soar above the pain because I have to keep my spirit out of the pit of hell. I won’t let the enemy and his destruction of my body ruin me. I will cry and soar at the same time!
If I had my wish I would have the time and money and freedom to see a doctor, have the best treatment, have a life coach, a counselor, acupuncturist and full time assistant and physical therapy so I could manage this even better. But for now I dream, I write, I pray, I hope, I live, I laugh, I sing, I wiggle/dance, I keep climbing the mountain…. even if it is at a snail’s pace.
– Tuesday, November 3, 2015 2:06 PM
“Barely able to think foggy brained super sleepy and awfully weepy…. Oh how I hope the sugar withdrawals stop soon! 2.5 days down!”
– Wednesday, November 4, 2015 8:56 PM
The fog is starting to lift some and I’m not as weepy so I’m relieved! Hoping it keeps getting better and easier!!
– Thursday, November 5, 2015 7:49 AM
Ugh! If it’s not one thing it’s another! Today I am having stabbing and shooting pains alternating around in the areas of my right ovary, uterus and vagina! What in the world!! They started happening last night and even woke me up some while I was sleeping because it felt like I had just been stabbed! This sucks!
– Friday, November 6, 2015 11:54 AM
The horrid stabbing pains were so bad I thought maybe something was wrong with my IUD or worse! So I went to the doc this morning to get it checked out. Good news is that there is nothing serious wrong with me. Bad news is they aren’t sure why I’m having these stabbing pains other than I have 3cm complicated cyst on my left ovary that could be leaking fluid that is irritating me. I can take Tylenol and they gave me muscle relaxers that I think are going to do nothing for me except make me sleepy.
I’m still going camping with my family even though I’m in pain. Not sure if it is a good idea but I know I need a break. If I stay home I will look at everything I need to do and stress. If I go I won’t be able to do anything but chill even if it isn’t comfy.
– Saturday, November 7, 2015 6:02 AM
Starting to wonder if camping was a good idea… I’m glad I’m here but it took hours to pump up our air mattresses because we didn’t have our own pump and we were promised to be able to use someone else’s except it ran on a rechargeable battery that wouldn’t charge and kept dying… Now I wake up with half the air out of the mattress and I’m laying on the ground. :-/ no good. Oh and somehow I forgot my coat (brrrrr), it keeps rainy and the bathrooms are about a mile walk from here. And the stabbing kept waking me up all night. I think I’m still glad I came… 😉
Oh and the no sugar thing fell apart since I’m having to eat and survive on what others provide and the hot chocolate to stay warm was a necessity. Maybe I’ll try again soon but not until the stabbing stops.
– Sunday, November 8, 2015 7:41 AM
I started my period last night and I was hopeful that the stabbing pains would let up but they were even worse… Like I was birthing a knife! Tears streaming down my face and silent screaming in my tent so no one would know how much I felt like I was being stabbed to death! After I emptied my bladder they let up and weren’t as bad but they still keep happening!
– Tuesday, November 10, 2015 7:43 AM
Yesterday the stabbing pains moved to the pains in my intestines and other menstrual cramps. Ugh! This period is brutal. I feel so out of it. Exhausted from the pain I can’t really think! Hoping today will be better…. If it’s not one thing it is another! I know that Lyme has messed up my hormones but this is so ridiculous! I keep working to get time sensitive responsibilities off my plate because I never know when I’m going to feel bad or when I am up for lots of work! It is crazy living like this! From a bad Lyme day to herxing to hormones causing me problems! Oh my! Not to mention if I catch something “normal” and get sick! Goodness gracious! I really wish the Lyme stuff would stop! And the hormone issues! If I stay on top of it with herbs and essential oils I can usually keep the hormones under control but honestly I struggle to stay on top of it all everyday! Between the chaos of life and lack of funds to keep everything in my house it is truly a struggle.
– Thursday, November 12, 2015 10:20 PM
It is so good to be on the upcoming Awakening Team! I’m so honored and excited to get to sing and lead worship. Even though I don’t feel completely equipped to lead I sure feel joy worshiping and singing! My heart and soul are giddy with excitement! Even though tonight my legs got too weak to hold me up during practice and I had to find a chair I am overjoyed that I can be there and do this! This horrid disease may have stolen so much from me but not the joy I have in worshiping and sharing my joy and love for my Lord and Savior who walks with me every step of the way and has saved me from an eternity in this pain! I get to go home someday!! That means more than anything! This is not my home and I get to leave the pain one day when my mission here on this planet is over! Until then I will do my best to live for the audience of one and the purpose He has given me! And I will worship in all the pain too!!
– Friday, November 13, 2015 7:16 AM
Well my period has ended but the stabbing continues… And it keeps moving all around. Right ovary, cervix, uterus, rear end, and now it has started on the left ovary too. At least it doesn’t feel like I’m birthing a knife anymore. The pain is bad but it isn’t excruciating. So that is an improvement. It also isn’t constant, it comes and goes at random times. A full bladder seems to make it worse.
– Sunday, November 22, 2015 6:50 AM
At 4am I awoke for “no reason” or maybe there was a disturbance in “the force” or maybe the world. Not sure but then so did the rest of the house… Weird! I worked hard to get everyone settled back in bed but the littlest one was having trouble…and honestly so was I. I started getting cold and hungry and then the ache in this Lyme body was too distracting so I got up and got in a hot Epsom salt bath. Moments later my sweet littlest one came to find me again…and climbed in the tub too. We spent an hour soaking and playing with “little people” until the sun came up. I really wanted to be asleep but the super duper cuteness sweetness and joy that kept me company were such a blessing! Who could get frustrated with that sweet face!…. Oh and I discovered the disturbance! It was the brand new shower mirror that had fallen off the wall and I’m guessing it was at about 4am this morning!
– Sunday, November 22, 2015 4:41 PM
I have really been acknowledging my limitations lately. Fully having the realization that I’m failing at doing things well because my body just doesn’t let me do all that I would like to. I have also come to see that I over compensate by taking on more than I can handle and helping others do what they should be taking care of because I want to feel like I am contributing to others. However, because I can’t do things really well and I’m barely scraping by with all the responsibilities, I end up beating myself up because I’m failing or rather just sucking a bit because I’m doing a mediocre job. It isn’t horrible but it feels horrible. I’m tired of feeling horrible so I’m enlisting more and more help on things and getting more and more off my plate. Doing my best to finish projects so they aren’t hanging over me anymore. I need to focus on just the few things I am meant to do right now so I can do them as well as possible. Plus taking care of my body has got to be a priority so that I can feel my best possible…. feeling even worse because I don’t have time to take care of me is just ridiculous!
Oh boy do I need more sleep! Lack of sleep makes me cry and feel awful all over!
– Monday, November 30, 2015 7:07 AM
I haven’t been writing much because my days are full and I’ve been traveling and I’ve been focusing on what is good in life. Writing about the reality of my body sometimes can be a downer and too much reality. I would much rather focus on living than how bad my body feels. 😉
“Joy is the echo of God’s Love in your life!” There may be pain in my body and tears in my eyes but there is joy in my heart! I will not let the enemy steal my joy! I share so you don’t feel alone in your journey to health. I share so you know that you are loved by our Heavenly Father. I share so your heart can be full of joy no matter what! We are not home yet! Hang on tight to joy and share it with the world!
Live the Life You Want to Live!