– Friday, May 1, 2015
No sauna or exercise this morning… Totally overslept after being woken up so many times.
One thing that sucks about Lyme is I can be doing pretty good getting through my day and then I suddenly hit a wall out of nowhere without warning. I’m glued to the bed unable to get up and feel all weak and tired and dizzy and zapped of all energy. (I guess that is what you call running out of spoons in the Spoon Theory). Really inconvenient when there is so much day left.
– Tuesday, May 5, 2015
So I’ve been thinking about my energy levels and my fatigue and then my inability to lose weight… So I started taking the Adren-all again and L-Tyrosine and both are helping but there is still something missing and I think my thyroid may be stressing. Then I remembered that I quit taking the Iodoral because of cost. It helps kill off everything bad (even Lyme) in my body and supports the thyroid. It has probably been a year or more since I’ve taken it. My LLMD recommended working up to 50mg a day. So, now I’m going to get back on that too. It is hard to keep up with everything and pay for everything but when I notice I actually still need something that really does help and isn’t a medicine that will hurt my body then I need to do it. I’ll be ordering it asap and start out with 12.5mg!! Onward and upward! I will get better!!
– Wednesday, May 6, 2015
I’ve also been trying to eat good but I feel even worse like I’m hypoglycemic or something. So I’ve been testing my blood sugar and it is pretty perfect most of the time. Maybe a tiny bit low but not enough to call it that. So then I’m wondering am I having withdrawal symptoms from carbs and sugar… These are too severe to be that. So then I checked out the symptoms of candida. I have many of the symptoms… But then again many of the same symptoms are caused by Lyme. So what is Lyme and what is candida overgrowth? Well, all I know is I don’t need a weakened immune system caused by too much yeast in my body making any of my symptoms worse, that’s for sure!! I’m already doing a lot of things that actually kill off yeast but I’m definitely having issues that are connecting with foods and sugars and digestion…. So I looked into it further and found that Caprylic Acid actually specifically targets yeast and will help clear things up fairly quickly and then I can take it daily to maintain. (It is derived from coconut oil). So I’m going to also make sure I’m eating some coconut oil everyday and stick to my good diet. Hopefully it will all help so I don’t have any added problems from yeast! (I also hope I can survive any die off reaction!!) Looking forward to feeling back on track. I’m struggling to get things done because I can’t think and I’m exhausted and weird and shaky feeling. :-/ I feel like I’ve lost ground somehow in the last month or so especially in my energy. So I’m really hoping this gets me back on track.
Back 6 months ago when I was eating a lot of coconut oil and oil pulling I could tell a difference in my energy and my joints but it was subtle. And it didn’t fix me so I quit doing it because if something doesn’t help dramatically I don’t continue it because of the time, effort and money it takes. Hopefully working to eliminate any candida will be dramatic enough that I will stick with it! I really don’t want to allow anything else to be damaging my body too!
Oh and another good thing about starting back on the Iodoral is that it also will kill candida/yeast!
– Thursday, May 7, 2015
I’m so tired of this brain fog and fatigue… I hope addressing a possible candida problem will help me get my brain back more. I feel so spacey it is really hard to get things done. I already move a bit slower because my joints and muscles are stiff, swollen and painful. However, When my brain is good I can strategize and figure out how to accomplish a ton of things in a decent amount of time even though I’m physically limited. It sucks when I just sit there and feel lost and can’t figure out what to do next… I know I wouldn’t feel so behind if my brain would just work better. I end up procrastinating on things that take good brain power because I don’t want to be slow or by chance mess it up… I then become even more behind… So frustrating!
— going outside for a short sunshine break to clear my head… Hopefully I can plow through some work when I come back!
—- I really tried but then I caved and ate m&ms trying to help my brain. It helped for a second. But then I crashed out… for 2.5 hours. Totally inconvenient! I have so much work to get done. I still feel in a fog and glued to the bed but I have to go pick my little one up soon. Oh how frustrating. I struggle to get enough sleep at night and I struggle to have enough energy and brain power to get things done through the day. Too bad I can’t take a few weeks to just sleep…. But then again I’m not sure how much that would help. :-/
– Saturday, May 9, 2015
Doing our first family camp out (trial run in our backyard) tonight. I’m already disappointed and frustrated because it is so hard to do things like this because of the limitations of my body. I couldn’t really help set up the tent because my hands were to weak. I can’t carry heavy things either. I’m worried about sleeping tonight (even on an air mattress) because I’ll be so low to the ground. It is so hard for me to get up! :-/ I almost got stuck on the ground today after sitting trying to help complete our cat tree that Hubby was building for me… My arms were so weak that I almost couldn’t get up. I pretend that I can handle most things but it is frustrating when the limitations of my body actually prevent me from doing things. Tonight I had to take a chair in the tent to read stories to my children because I couldn’t get down and sit on the floor or snuggle with them in bed. This kind of stuff makes me cry because it is so sad to me.
– Sunday, May 10, 2015
After getting practically no sleep last night because we were up so late and everyone woke up so early I was exhausted. The pain was horrible and my emotions were a mess. It is so hard to have my body be so weak and fragile and physically unable to do things. That isn’t who I am!!! I am tough and strong and work hard and I love to be silly and have fun!! Oh the Lyme Disease is such a thief!! I have lost so much in life! Most days I focus on what I have but when I desperately want to do things and I’m put in a situation where the things I can’t do are screaming at me and taunting me I really struggle!
– Monday, May 11, 2015
Doing my best to appear fine today… but I feel icky and flu like, tired and really stiff with muscle weakness too. I was at my kid’s school this morning and concerned that my legs might not work on the bleachers. I did my best to not show how bad they hurt and how I was really struggling to get up and down. :-/ oh I sure hope this lets up. I’m hoping the second half of this month is better.
I took 2 three hour naps yesterday and got 7.5 hours of sleep last night but I still only want to crawl into bed. Oh I need my brain and body to work so I can get stuff done!!
After reading last month’s notes I am determined to drink more fruit infused water. It seems to have really helped how I feel. I have always had issues with hydration no matter how much I drink. I have tried a few different things to help me but the fruit infused water seems to have helped the most. So I’m going to experiment and see if I have the same outcome again and see if I can continue it for the rest of this month. I’m hopeful it will help my energy, mental clarity, detoxing ability and overall stiffness. I think hydration could be vital to my recovery. I’m so hopeful!!
Got 38 oz of Fruit infused water in before my bed time. I wanted to drink more but I don’t want to be up all night in the bathroom. 😉
– Tuesday, May 12, 2015
This morning I woke a bit more alert so getting up was easier. However, the stiffness and joint swelling is rough this morning…. from my hands all the way to my feet. And my legs are barely working… I really hope they improve before I have to be on the bleachers again today at my kid’s school.
I’m not sure what happens to the water when it is infused with fruit by soaking for hours or over night. But there is definitely something alive and rejuvenating about it. No matter how much plain water I drink or any other version of water it doesn’t seem to hydrate my body like this fruit infused water. I look forward to this month’s experiment… How will being fully hydrated with fruit infused water daily help my progress??! 😉
– Wednesday, May 13, 2015
I counted it up, I drank 118 oz of fruit infused water yesterday and it was awesome! I kind of wanted to drink more but I didn’t want to pee all night! The only thing bad about drinking so much is all the visits to the bathroom. I have a seriously overactive bladder (always have!) and so I was in the bathroom constantly! But it also got my bowels moving too so that is always a good thing. Being better hydrated feels so good! I stayed up too late last night and overslept a bit this morning but I don’t feel worse.
Today I’m actually a bit stronger and feeling like I’m back on track. Lifting weights and doing my modified squats was definitely easier! So I’m super thankful for that! My mind seems to be a bit clearer so I’m going to try hard to get caught up on some design work today. I’m hoping my mind is clear enough to be creative and efficient!!
– Thursday, May 14, 2015
I again drank 118oz of fruit infused water yesterday without even trying. I just drank when I was thirsty. Really interesting!
I had trouble falling asleep last night because my brain was really on and then didn’t get much sleep because my kitten decided that 4:30am was a good time to play… but I still woke up relatively clear headed this morning.
I’m feeling flulike today so I’m sweating it out in the sauna 😉
– Thursday, May 14, 2015 5:30 PM
I’m out of energy but yet there are so many hours of the day left.
– Friday, May 15, 2015
Drank 102 oz yesterday! I’m excited that my body is enjoying all the water and I don’t have to force myself to drink and it is helping me feel a smidge better. Now if I could just get more sleep! It seems to always be something that gets in the way of sleep… especially when I try to get more. Going to have to work on the sleep more!
Today I have very little muscle weakness. That is really good.
– Saturday, May 16, 2015
I’ve decided to do a huge purge over the next month and have a huge garage sale. We have too much stuff and it is weighing me down. I hope I’m ready for this. I mean I’m ready but this could be tough emotionally and I may have a hard time letting things go. I have a problem because Lyme Disease has stolen so much from me that I’ve had to put things on hold, on the back burner, in the attic, in hopes that someday I’ll get that ability, time, energy, space, etc back so I can one day be the person I used to be and do the things I used to. Even down to the clothes and shoes I wear. I can’t exercise enough so getting my body back feels like it is never going to happen, my feet hurt so cute shoes are out of the question, and dressing up or being cute seems ridiculous or uncomfortable when I walk around feeling like I have the flu or am in pain. I used to wear a ton of hats and I have a huge collection… but I don’t wear them much anymore because of that reason too. Bleh! I’m not looking forward to going through my stuff because it all screams at me what I have lost or given up because of this curse on my life. But then again I’m looking forward to less clutter and junk in my house…. especially all the things that scream at me that I suck and that my life sucks. I want to have only things in my house that bring life to me. But I’m afraid that if I give these things away I’m solidifying the fact that I will never be or do those things again and that tears me apart. I’m afraid of that! I’m afraid I will never have the life I really want again! If I give my stuff away that once helped define who I was then that person will be forever gone!! I don’t want that! I don’t want to give up on myself…. But I’m coming to grips that my life has taken a direction that I did not choose… However, I can choose what I do with it. I can choose to let my stuff beat me up and make me feel bad about who I am or I can set all that stuff free to the universe and create a new life for myself with stuff that brings me life and happiness. Oh this grieves my soul! What if there isn’t a better life waiting for me? What if I let go of my past and then I’m just empty and there isn’t a beautiful future ahead?? That is what terrifies me! What if my best life is over and I’m only left with pain and this fight for my life?? What if the fun stuff is over? So, that is what I plan to overcome this month! To really set my old pre-sickness life free instead of carrying it around like heavy baggage. I’m going to make room for what the blessings God has for my life and the things that will bring me joy and smiles instead of the screams of misery and tears. I can do this!
Lord show me what to let go of and what to hold onto! Help me make room for your blessings and change in my life!
– Monday, May 18, 2015
No. Good. Very. Bad. Morning.
herxing flulike, difficult walking or moving. Feet, legs, knees, hips, back, spine, arms, neck, hands, jaw, skin. Oh all of me is bad this morning. Got in the hot tub before I did anything else (except pee and even that was tough this morning!) Needing the hot tub before I could function… It has been a few months since I had a morning that bad (they used to all be that bad last year). I finished the 15 day protocol and am now working on increasing the Vascuzyme (metabolic enzymes) because it helps break down any bad junk in the body so the body can process and eliminate it, including biofilms the concrete that surrounds the Lyme bacteria.
My LLMD recommends 8 pills 3 times a day… Not sure I can afford it but I’m going to at least work on getting to 8 pills twice a day. So I’m up to 8 in the morning and 2 at night. The night time ones are kickin my tail right now.
Sweatin it out in the Sauna right now… Hopefully I have enough time to feel better before I have to go pack lunches and get the kids off to school and hubby off to work! Oh boy! I need to feel better! Moving or being awake right now is miserable.
….. Oh I’m so dying a little right now. Got down on the floor to do my grounding and stretching, I might be stuck down here! Oh man! I’ve got to go to my sweet little guy’s kindergarten program this morning… So I took some Tylenol hoping it takes the edge off of the flulike symptoms of the aching body and skin. There is no drug that helps the pain…. I quit trying years ago to find one that helped. They either cause damage to my digestive system or other organs or they just dope me up so I don’t care about the pain, even though I still feel it.
Oh geez! This is going to be a tough day to grin and bear it and be around people. But I have a kindergarten graduation to go to and much more today!
….. I forced myself onto the floor to pretend to do my grounding stretching but I mostly just layed there and moaned. My littlest one came in with her doctor Kit and started Doctoring me. Taking my temp, checking my blood pressure, giving me kisses and checking my heart. Oh how I cherished that sweet moment with her, wishing that her sweet care would cure all my boo boos. 😉
I did a lot today then I hit the wall at 2pm… Nothing left. Slept but never bounced back. Exhausted. Feel awful. Now lymph nodes on the back of my head are swelling. Going to bed early and hopeful I wake up feeling better
– Tuesday, May 19, 2015
Ugh! This morning is bad again. Oh. Oh. Oh. This sucks! Oh my insides feel like they are dying. They are hurting so bad. Every part of me. Plus my stomach isn’t right too. I woke up a 4am severely nauseous. I used some DigestZen and it hasn’t gotten worse. my tummy is all bloated too. I think I am definitely right that I have a stealth yeast problem too. So I think that must be why my tummy is revolting as well because I’ve been taking other things to combat that too. I really hope I’m not fighting off a stomach bug. I’m going to try and sit in the sauna. I feel so bad all I want to do is curl up in bed though.
….. Listening to happy music and imagining myself somewhere amazing in a beautiful healthy body while I try and sweat this out… Oh Lord help my body overcome whatever is happening quickly! Show me what I need to do to help it and show me what is vitally important to do today…..
After 50 minutes in the sauna I’m starting to get relief but I’m out of time… I have to make sure everyone is up and ready with breakfast and lunches packed. I sure wish I had more time…..
Going back in. Everyone but my littlest is gone to school and work. So I’m going to sweat it out some more. I’m not sure if I’m sick and fighting off something normal or if this is just my private curse. Either way I’m going to spend the day detoxing and resting. I’ll sit down and check to see if there are any time sensitive work emails and then I’ll leave the rest until later this week. Oh my goodness! This is so awful!
…… OH CUSS!!! :-/
…… 45 minutes in and the sweat is really rolling. Starting to feel a bit more alive, less like death. I want to get out but I’m going to keep going, maybe I can really stop this horrid herx! I’ve already drank 3 bottles of fruit infused water this morning so far. I think I need some more.
…… Just finished 1.5 hours in the sauna, 4 bottles of fruit infused water and 4 bananas. I’m feeling much better. The flulike symptoms seem to be gone for now and I’m just left with a moderate amount of pain and stiffness. Going to get in the hot tub and do some stretching now. Putting some peppermint essential oil on my forehead and back of neck because I’m getting a bit of a headache and I need to make sure I don’t overheat in the hot tub after being in the sauna so long.
– Wednesday, May 20, 2015
Last night little “E” (3yrs) woke me with a tummy ache and then threw up all over both of us. So, if I wasn’t already fighting a tummy bug I certainly am now! :/ So I’ve taken DigestZen again and am hoping for no serious tummy issues. I still feel flulike and feverish but not as bad as the last two days. I actually checked my temp because today I thought maybe I really did have a fever but it was only 98.1 and that is usually what happens when I feel bad. My temp drops instead of raising which is another reason why I spend so much time in the infrared sauna and hot tub. I need to keep my temp at least normal and if I can run a false fever even better to give my immune system a fighting chance. Boy oh boy I need a break from feeling so miserable! I have deadlines to meet today! I’m about to be severely behind! I’m going to have to bust tail no matter how I feel today!
– Thursday, May 21, 2015
Still feeling flu like today. Icky skin hurting. I’m not sure if I’m sick or herxing. Talk about frustrating. I know it isn’t the enzymes because I have backed down and I’m still having issues. So today I’m only taking half the iodoral to see if maybe that is what is clearing my system too fast for me to keep up.
– Friday, May 22, 2015
Oh oh oh waves of icky flulike oh I really don’t want to get out of bed! What is up with my body this week? My skin feels hot but my body is cold. All the aches are terrible. I can barely move or use my hands. Oh I need to get a handle on the toxins. I skipped the sauna yesterday because I didn’t have enough time… I’m paying for it today! I didn’t feel that good yesterday but it was manageable. I guess I’ll be focusing on detox again today. This is frustrating… Herxing or fighting off another illness… Either way this is miserable! I don’t think anything else I’m doing is causing me to feel bad except the iodoral and the detox it is causing. So I’m going to add Celtic sea salt, magnesium and vitamin C today every couple of hours to help flush the bromide from my system. I’m hopeful this will get me caught back up on the toxins. http://jeffreydachmd.com/2014/
I really can’t believe I forgot about this. Oh how I wish I hadn’t stopped taking the iodoral but it is so hard to keep paying for everything and keep up with the regimen of it all!
– Saturday, May 23, 2015
Yay!! Finally a day without the horrid icky flulike symptoms! I think it must have been the toxin overload caused by taking the iodoral as it was flushing my system. So taking the salt, vitamin C and magnesium did help! I did it 4 times yesterday.
My bad joints are still extra swollen and not really working today but I’m so thankful for no extreme aching body and painful skin today.
I find it interesting that the Salt water and Vitamin C is also considered a possible “cure” for Lyme Disease. Plus the Celtic Sea salt and water is also considered “The Water Cure”…hmmm interesting.
– Saturday, May 23, 2015
Today turned out to be a very productive day. Without flulike symptoms I can function so much better plus the pain wasn’t too bad either.
Working to get ready for the big yard sale I purged 3/4 of the clothes in my closet plus 1/3 of my shoes, a box of books and 40 hats from my collection!! I am feeling freer and more liberated!! Woo Hoo! We also moved the 3 fish tanks down from the attic and appliances. I’m so excited! I have a ton more to do but I’m getting there!! This is great!!!
– Sunday, May 24, 2015
I wanted to get more done today but my body totally gave out on me! I went to take a short nap and couldn’t get up for over 3 hours!! How annoying! I hate it when that happens!!
– Monday, May 25, 2015
One of the reasons I haven’t shared my journey in the past is the insane roller coaster that Lyme is. One day I’m having a better day and the next I’m not. I’m doing good things for my body and the next thing I know I feel like I’m dying. Day to day and even hour to hour fluctuations are frustrating. Feeling bad in the morning and then working hard to get it under control and then managing my day only to probably do it all over again tomorrow. Seeing overall improvement and then feeling like I go backwards! Days, weeks, months and years of this gets old… So I figure if it is old for me then others really don’t want to hear about it. I’m not a complainer and I never want to be. So just not talking about it is easier… because the roller coaster life is full of complaints.
This morning the pain and stiffness isn’t good. And today is my anniversary… I really hope I feel up to enjoying our date I don’t want to be completely miserable!
– Monday, May 25, 2015
In my head I’m me. Then I go to do something that is me and I’m confronted with muscles and joints that don’t work right followed by very frustrating PAIN. Then I remember there is a curse… It makes it hard to be me.
– Tuesday, May 26, 2015
I am not of this world. I remind myself that when the brokenness of this world or the curse on my body brings me down. This is not my home. That is why it is so uncomfortable
Coping in this world works better when we remember who we belong to and where we are going. And realize our mission is to go out and love others… Not to make our lives easier or to GET loved. Everyone else is broken too and if we concern ourselves with getting them to love us and fulfill us we will always be lacking. They will always let us down. They will always disappoint and cause us pain. If we realize our job is to love then that protects us because love covers everything.
– Tuesday, May 26, 2015
Day in and day out waking up not healthy and/or feeling like I have the flu gets so old. I keep thinking maybe I’ll get used to it… But I don’t. Then I remind myself it could be worse… Oh how it could be so much worse! I could be bedridden, I could be debilitated, I could not be able to eat or dress myself. Today I count my blessing of being able to walk and function and do some stuff and hopefully get some work done. It could be worse… It can always be worse! That is one thing Lyme has taught me. It can always get worse. Be thankful for where you are.
– Wednesday, May 27, 2015
No flu like symptoms just the usual pain and stiffness throughout my body.
There is so much to do and so much to remember that I just can’t do all of it all the time. I’ve been tracking some of the things I need to do and I keep failing at getting it all done! If I don’t feel very good I put off some of the therapies that help me in the long term. I get busy trying to live and I can’t get everything in. When my brain is foggy I use its power to do what needs to be done around the house and in my work and then I realize that I haven’t done other things that are important for my health. Keeping up with all my supplements and detoxed and everything is so much. Then I wake up one day and realize it has been a month or two since I did something important that I should be doing daily like oil pulling, jumping on the trampoline or eating coconut oil or taking Olive Leaf. Getting well is a full time job!! But I have a full time job living and working my life. Everything seems to get in each other’s way.
– Wednesday, May 27, 2015
Sometimes I wish I had a ton of money so I could afford the best doctors and natural medicine and people to care for me but then I realize that the people who have a ton of money and the best doctors are still sick and struggling. In some ways I’mdoing better than them so I’m counting my blessings for what I have and how far I’ve come!
I used to beat myself up because I couldn’t get well or stay symptom free but now I know it isn’t my fault. I’m doing my best and so is my body. There is no real cure and all I can do is fight my best. This is a nasty relentless bacteria! I didn’t get infected on purpose and I’m certainly doing my best to overcome it!! There are so many sick and so many suffering so many dying I’m thankful for what I have but I will always fight for what I have lost!!
– Saturday, May 30, 2015
After traveling and spending the day at a conference and with friends with little sleep last night my body is really struggling. I’m shaking all over on the inside and the pain all over is terrible. Oh and then I have the bizarre tummy issues that I always get with my period. At least so far they haven’t been really painful yet. This is going to be a tough day going all day at the conference. I hope I can put on a brave face and survive it ok.
Wow! May was a rough month! But I made some progress with adding things back in. Now, just hoping June will be better!!
“Joy is the echo of God’s Love in your life!” There may be pain in my body and tears in my eyes but there is joy in my heart! I will not let the enemy steal my joy! I share so you don’t feel alone in your journey to health. I share so you know that you are loved by our Heavenly Father. I share so your heart can be full of joy no matter what! We are not home yet! Hang on tight to joy and share it with the world!
Live the Life You Want to Live!