Day 3: I’m feeling run down and bleh. I’m hurting a bit more, having trouble staying focused, and really tired. Kinda feel like I don’t have it in me to get everything done I need to get done. However, I’m not as bad off as I could be so I’m thankful. Feeling not as good is making it harder to exercise which is frustrating.
Day 9: this month before my period I didn’t have a terrible increase in pain, which was really nice! I only experienced extreme tiredness the day before with feeling a bit more achy. The cramps have been worse this month but I’m going to blame that on eating too much chocolate cake from my little one’s Birthday! The worst part about the last week is the terrible brain fog and fatigue. Not being able to think or plan my days is very inconvenient! I have so much to do and I’m getting overwhelmed because everything is starting to pile up. All I want to do is curl up in bed. Oh how I need my head to clear up and I need my energy back! Ouch I’m crampy! Doing nothing sounds great! Wish that were possible!!
Okay today was a pretty yucky day! I was crampy and did not feel good at all. Now the muscles in my arms are aching. Oh I hope I can sleep tonight. All I’ve wanted to do was go back to bed all day! I wasn’t able to get anything done today. 🙁 oh I really hope tomorrow is better because I have so much to do!!!! I’m getting overwhelmed again! It sucks having my body really not act like I want it to!!
Day 10: Today was a hell day. I was in bed all day with chills and a bad achy body fighting off the stomach bug everyone else had. Thankful my stomach never got sick (because of the essential oils I used) but I was miserable and completely out of commission. Now I know why my arms started aching so bad last night… I was getting really sick. 🙁 (All the Lyme Disease symptoms flare bad when I catch anything else)
Day 11: I feel so much better today. The horrible sickness is gone and the terrible fog from the last week has lifted! So, I’m not sure if the fatigue and brain fog that happened during my cycle this month was just me having a rough time or just my body working hard to fight off that nasty bug. I guess I will never know! I’m just glad it is all over so I can function and think again!
Day 13: Doing pretty good today. I’ve made meal plans, gone to the grocery and worked some today. I road the bike last night on low levels for 30 minutes but haven’t felt like my body was quite up for much exercise over the last week or so because that sickness really took its toll. Hoping next week will be better.
Day 14: This morning I feel like I worked out hard yesterday… But I didn’t do anything. :-/ All my muscles are sore and my joints aren’t good. I hope it is just from staying up way too late last night and not getting enough rest. I have to be so careful with my body that the slightest thing can send me down hill.
– Monday, March 16, 2015
Today I woke up not feeling good. I’m really hurting all over. My joints and muscles are achy and stiff and my head feels achy and full. My wrist is worse and so is my knee. Both more swollen and stiff. My feet hurt to walk. I’m feeling icky all over too with my skin all achy. Behind my ears my lymph nodes are a little swollen too. I just realized that I haven’t gotten in the sauna in a week and a half! Probably why I’m worse because I’m toxic. I couldn’t get in when I was feeling bad last week. Then I chose to not get in for a few days because I didn’t have time. I needed to catch up on things from being sick. Hopefully sweating it out will really help get me back on track. I don’t want to go backwards!
…. Oh waves of icky ness keep rolling through me… I want to sleep but I feel so bad… Heading to the sauna, I hope it is hot and ready.
– Thursday, March 19, 2015
This week has turned out to be a very taxing week emotionally which also means physically draining as well. I created and shared a video that sums up my fight with Lyme disease in 3.5 minutes. It was incredibly hard to produce. I do my best to always focus on the good so that the trauma and misery of it all doesn’t consume me. So focusing on it for 3 days while I prepped and produced it were tough. Then it got even tougher when I shared it with the world and got so many responses from people who are suffering. I have worked hard to avoid all Lyme groups, organizations, forums and stories of others over the years. My heart is too big and it hurts me too bad to know that others are suffering like I do. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. It is an awful curse. So hearing about others rips my heart wide open. I feel their pain and I know their torment and agony! I feel it!! Plus, I also have protected my heart from hopelessness. Hearing so many hopeless stories steals your hope and your joy. The only way to overcome this disease is having hope and never losing your joy! Even if I never get cured these things are vital to live a life worth living, even if I’m experiencing a curse or thorn in my flesh. So, now that I’m bringing joy and hope to others it breaks my heart there are so many!! I wish I had more to give than hope, joy and inspiration! I wish I had a cure! I can offer my Healthy Protocol that is giving me relief but I wish I had more! But right now I will give what I can give! There is no giving up! Lord, give those comfort that need it. Hold them close so they feel you. Let them know they aren’t alone. Let their prayers carry them through…even when your answer is wait. Don’t let them lose faith or hope!
– Saturday, March 21, 2015
This week has definitely been draining. So many emotions running high and lots of tears. Seeing my life all out in front of me in a video sure made it so real how much I really have lost because of this disease. It truly is devastating and I sure don’t like seeing it. I really like to live my life with a focus on the positive and what I DO have and what I CAN do! The glass is definitely half full for me. So seeing it spilling all over the place this week has been tough. My heart aches for others so I’m actually having to shelter myself from watching other videos and other people’s stories. The overall theme seems to be hopelessness that we can’t live normal lives. Well, I can’t have that feeding my soul! My soul needs hope and life and excitement! So I switch my focus and turn on some dance music. This may be my “thorn in the flesh” and I may have to “walk with a limp” for the rest of my life but His grace is sufficient for me! I will walk in joy no matter what! I will not lose hope that one day I will walk in full healing! Some healing is instant and some healing takes time and some healing takes obedience and even really hard work. So, everything I do is covered in prayer. My journey to health is led by the Holy Spirit (as long as I keep listening!). I feel like I’m on a path that is working and my body is improving every month. So I will not lose hope! I will rest in the peace and the hope and joy! I will do the hard work it takes to get well. I have to! Because either I improve or I decline… I choose improvement!
– Tuesday, March 24, 2015
So I’ve been experimenting with adding another oil or two to my “off time” that will also help against the bacteria and help destroy the biofilms that make it so hard to get well. I’ve herxed with icky flulike symptoms so I know that it works! Which is great news. Now I’m working on a dose that won’t make me herx that I can handle and slowly increase each month. So then I’ll do the 14 days on of the first set and then take a few days to allow my body to detox and then do the other set during the rest of the month. Then start over each month. If I can keep from herxing then hopefully my improvement will be even faster! But even if I herx my infrared sauna helps me recover quicker.
– Wednesday, March 25, 2015
I’m doing pretty decent lately. I’m a bit extra tired and struggling to get through the day without a 15 minute power nap but I can’t complain too much since I used to be in bed a lot! However, I think I might just be tired from lack of sleep. I stayed up late too many nights in a row last week watching tv and I don’t think I’ve recovered yet. Also, I’m getting up at 5am to work for an hour or so before everyone else gets up. I’ve found that my head is clear because there are no distractions that early in the morning. So, with the quiet I can plow through some work especially if I’ve already made the plan the day before. Plus, I seem to not be able to catch up on everything I need to get done so an extra hour each day I hope will be really helpful. I’m thankful I feel up to doing it, at least for the moment! The stiffness is pretty intense in my legs in the morning but I’m managing.
I am having a little bit of trouble convincing myself to exercise this week. I’m still doing my weights but just don’t have it in me to do more. Maybe it is just because I’m tired. Going to bed early if possible tonight.
– Thursday, March 26, 2015
Today and yesterday I have not been sweating well in my infrared sauna. Usually I sweat out the toxins great and feel a ton better. But I’m feeling just hot and drained. Going to work on hydrating and my electrolytes today. I think maybe I’m off balance.
– Friday, March 27, 2015
‘I love to exercise! I love to push it and have a blast! I simply can’t get enough of stretching! I could sit on the floor for hours reading a good book stretching in all different ways.’
These are things I still say in my head even though Lyme Disease has stolen it as a reality. So, now I have to force myself to move and to exercise. I need it as physical therapy. If I could afford it I would have a trainer or physical therapist work with me everyday to force me to do it. But instead I use friends and myfitnesspal and TerraFit to keep myself working my body. Today I figured out a fun way for me to exercise that actually works and is fun! (Not my ideal but hey! You gotta find a way!) I have a mini trampoline in my living room. (It has tons of benefits like helping the lymphatic system drain and minimize joint swelling/arthritis and great cardio and muscle work). So every hour I’m getting on it and “running” as hard as I can for as long as I can and then stopping (instead of trying to keep going for 20-30 minutes). Most of the time I can only do about 2 minutes but it is fun and gets my heart rate up and gives me more pep in my step. The research I’ve done says that short bursts of exercise are actually more natural and more beneficial than doing long exercise. Well, that works for me and the state of my body. 😉 I can only handle so much. Hopefully I can do this everyday or at least 3 days a week so I can get stronger and maybe even lose a few pounds.
I am pretty excited about my progress though! When I first started a long time ago I could barely bounce alternating feet for 1 minute (never lifting my feet). There was no running or jumping at all. Then I got to where I could go longer and I could pick up my feet in a bit of a jog and I could wiggle and dance. Then finally I could “run” on the mini rebounder. So that has been great! I still couldn’t jump though because my muscles and joints just couldn’t handle it. But I’m excited to say that today I could jump!! I really could and I could jump high! I could feel some pain in my spine, knees and ankles but it was mild. This is super exciting!! I was actually able to jump and run so much in the short couple of minutes that I was completely out of breath and my lungs were burning. I know it sounds crazy but it felt good! It felt good that my body could do so much! It still can’t do a lot but it continues to move in the right direction!! So, I will continue with this “therapy” because my body is finally getting stronger! It is responding positively and if I keep doing little bits as I recover then I can be strong when I reach healthy!
– Saturday, March 28, 2015
I’m excited to say that I did some jumping again today and my sweet little guy (8) said “Mommy I’ve never seen you jump before!” and I said that is because I haven’t! Yesterday was the first time! 🙂 Even my kids were excited that I was jumping and not just bouncing or walking or jogging on the trampoline! This is huge! I will take this win and build on it! I’m just going to have to be careful and pace myself. The muscles around my spine are really sore tonight because they were so weak and hadn’t been used much and I’m now working out every little tiny muscle in my body. Soaked in the hot tub and rubbed arnica and deep blue on my back and knee. Hoping tomorrow I will be recovered fully and won’t be sore (on top of the usual pain and stiffness).
– Monday, March 30, 2015
Oops! I got a little over zealous with taking my enzyme therapy yesterday. I haven’t taken it in about 6 months because it is so expensive. But it is super good for me and LLMD recommended so I’ve added it back in. However I should’ve started with 1 instead of 3 so I’m herxing quite a bit this morning. Yucky! The metabolic enzymes go in and eat up all the bad stuff in my body including biofilms (the concrete around the Lyme bacteria). So, the goal is to take 24 a day but my goal is 12 because they are just flat too expensive to afford… I can barely buy apples for my kids!! So, this will just have to wait.
– Monday, March 30, 2015
Tonight in the dark while I snuggled and rocked my kids in the rocking chair at bed time I cried. I just let the tears flow in the dark. I let them fall because I didn’t feel up to playing with them outside today, or reading stories to them tonight, or picking up all the toys and clothes and books on the floor, plus the strain of our devastated finances, plus the loss in my life from the physical pain, how much I have missed out on because my body doesn’t work right, how I have to depend on others for things I should be able to do, the pain and suffering of others… I have met so many people in the last couple weeks who know this disease intimately and it breaks my heart! Those that are worse than I am right now send me back to the terribly traumatic times of being completely debilitated by pain. Those who have a struggle similar to mine right now I feel for them! Being functional and looking normal but not 100% healthy means to protect yourself emotionally you pretend it doesn’t exist. Each day you do the therapies you need to do to get through the day and live a “normalish” life. But I still have days that are tougher than others or hours that are tougher than others. And they seem to land on the days where things are important and I really need to BE normal like – Birthdays, Christmas, holidays, school events, church events, anniversaries, family outings, important homework, scouting events, etc… I know how others “grin and bear it” for the sake of their kids and spouse and even for themselves because it is their way of life now. I know the mental, spiritual, and physical exhaustion that comes from this. And Knowing others have this same problem hurts my soul!
– Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Ugh! It is so frustrating when fatigue slams into me so hard and I can’t stay up right and I keep falling asleep and my arms and legs feel like they have weights on them. Oh my aching body! Yesterday I was herxing but I stayed up right and did some work and a massage but I had terrible brain fog. So I kind of floated through the day not functioning at a high level. I felt bad and really needed sleep but last night my little one woke up with a nightmare so I was up with her for an hour… I guess that is catching up to me now. 🙁 I was really feeling much better this morning but now I can barely stand up! Really not helpful when I need to help my kids get homework, chores and get clean up time done. Oh to curl up until tomorrow would be helpful… but I’m going to have to push through and do my best!
Well, this month has had some pretty tough days but overall I’m happy with the progress of the ability to actually jump on my trampoline now! Hoping for less herx days next month!
“Joy is the echo of God’s Love in your life!” There may be pain in my body and tears in my eyes but there is joy in my heart! I will not let the enemy steal my joy! I share so you don’t feel alone in your journey to health. I share so you know that you are loved by our Heavenly Father. I share so your heart can be full of joy no matter what! We are not home yet! Hang on tight to joy and share it with the world!
Live the Life You Want to Live!