– Tuesday, August 4, 2015 6:19 AM
I sure didn’t want to come home from vacation! The ocean is amazing! The big sky and view of open space! Love it! I love open space! The soothing sound of the waves was wonderful! Being in the ocean makes me feel closer to normal and even a bit stronger. I don’t think about the Lyme disease when I’m in the ocean. It is like taking a vacation from it all. I didn’t want to come home. Being away from the rhythm of the water and the strength it gives my body feels empty. I wish I could live there!
But I’m back home to reality and all the responsibilities of life and fighting for my health. Always fighting to feel normal.
– Thursday, August 6, 2015 5:32 AM
The change is coming and I am so excited!! Soon we will have access to the upstairs of our house and I will get to set up a playroom for the kids and my office will get an upgrade! Bigger and easier to deal with! I’m excited about having less cluttered mess of toys downstairs and a better place to work! My office just hasn’t been big enough for my desk and stuff plus a massage table. It has always felt cramped. Now I get to expand and maybe even declutter a bit in my office too! I’m excited for the fresh breath that will be breathed into my life! I look forward to rearranging, cleaning and decluttering my entire house because it won’t be so cramped anymore and everything will have its own spot.
– Friday, August 7, 2015 6:06 AM
Just having a thought: In the world of Lyme Disease I’m doing pretty darn good! I’m functioning. I can get out of bed. I can actually do some meaningful things and participate in life. So for someone with Lyme that is a big deal.
But in the world of “normal/healthy” people I’m really bad off! If a healthy person woke up feeling like I do they would cry and not be able to get out of bed… They would probably have someone take them to the hospital because of how much pain and dysfunction their body was in.
So… It really is all about perspective! When you are healthy this feels like dying. When you have literally been dying once before then this is a place to be thankful for!
I’m very thankful for how far I have come but everyday pray and work hard with therapies and protocols so that someday I can be the healthy person again. Oh how I long to be there again! Lord show me the way to get there for my body!
– Saturday, August 8, 2015 11:35 AM
Maybe if it were my full time job to get well then maybe I could get symptom free… But then again this is Lyme and it never follows the rules! Years ago when I couldn’t do anything but try to get well I was still sick. I think having something to live for and striving towards a goal is as important to taking care of yourself! It is all about balance. Now to keep a good balance so I can find my way there!
– Wednesday, August 12, 2015 5:42 AM
So, this morning I have a little bit of hope… I have switched up my essential oil regimen and I’m hopeful it will help me get off this plateau and into improving. I’m also working harder at getting more sleep by going to bed earlier. Even though I still haven’t gotten as much sleep (because of coughing children) I still don’t feel as bad as I could. (I’m sure as soon as I say this I’ll have a terrible day tomorrow). But I’m getting up super early to get in my infrared sauna before I have to get the kids ready for school and the pain is manageable. I can move and walk kind of ok.
Who knows? But I feel hopeful.
So I took the main regimen I was doing and looked into others people were doing and instead of doing them a month at a time I have condensed it down to do a different on each day Monday-Friday. Then I spend the weekend detoxing. I really wanted to create something that made sense to my brain and had some sort of good rhythm to it. Before I would get into a habit and then stop and then have to start again and I kept doing it badly and not consistently. I know that this has to be a way of life for me so I want something that makes sense, has rhythm, hits these bugs from all different angles so they never get used to it, and will support my body in multiple ways, plus not stress my body by giving it too much of one thing so it can handle processing everything well.
– Saturday, August 15, 2015 5:28 AM
FITNESS FRIENDS: Anybody out there want to be my fitness coach?? I need someone to walk with me through the roller coaster of living in a Lyme ridden broken body that has to go at a turtle’s pace, with snail like improvement… while having a cheetah spirit on the inside! Anybody up for that challenge?? HaHa! I’ve actually thought about asking this but it seems so silly and I keep failing at trying to keep at anything because of the pain…
– Monday, August 17, 2015 5:48 AM
This weekend we are rearranging our entire house so that we can better organize our space and hopefully I can keep the chaos down! This is very exciting especially because I will be moving my office upstairs. First in taking a leap of faith that my legs will be able to handle the stairs! I’m praying they just get stronger each day I take the stairs. And that my symptoms never get worse again where it makes doing stairs impossible.
I’m really excited because it is a bigger room and so it should actually give me the chance to do the things I want to do because I won’t be crammed into such a small space with my desk and massage table and supplies… And I couldn’t even have my art supplies or my sewing machine available to me. So this is exciting!!
But I have a big project ahead of me and that is painting the entire room that is about 16×16! Hopefully I can get it done efficiently and it won’t wear me out too bad!
– Tuesday, August 18, 2015 9:18 PM
Yesterday I taped my new office and prepped it for painting. Today I spent 4.5 hours painting the walls. I covered each wall twice because I’m covering blue walls with yellow. I was terribly exhausted this morning but I managed to push through and paint. I really want to finish before Friday so we can move everything around and get my new office set up. I have a ton of work to do and feel overwhelmed and unable to concentrate with the chaos in my house and the painting hanging over me. So hopefully I can get a lot done tomorrow!
– Friday, August 21, 2015 5:52 AM
Well, it is Friday and I’m not finished yet! The blue color on the walls has been terrible to cover! I have had to go over it 4 times to get it to cover!! Insane! I put in another 4.5 hours painting on Wednesday and then yesterday I did 3 hours in the morning and 3 hours last night. And I’m still far from being done! I still have to put another coat of white in the closet because it is still blue after 2 coats. Oh how I was cursing that blue last night! But I will win!! It feels symbolic… Like I’m fighting the blue feelings or the sadness that has been a part of my life because of the Lyme Disease. It is as though I’m fighting hard to bust through and step into a better life and fill it with new light and color! It is a big deal that I’m painting this room on my own! I’m crazy sore and exhausted from all the painting but I should be! It is tough having the soreness on top of the Lyme pain but I’m managing… I’m getting in the hot tub 2-3 times a day and rubbing healing essential oils all over my joints and muscles. I’m surviving! I should finish everything today. I wanted to be done before today but that is okay… We will move furniture on Sunday instead. Hopefully I’ll have time to rest a bit on Saturday to recover from all the painting. I’m excited that I’m still functioning even though I’ve worked so hard… It helps that I’m excited, motivated and inspired by the change and new life that is coming… and I’m making myself keep moving because if I sit down my muscles lock up and I can’t move. So I get in the hot tub, get moving, keep moving, get back in the hot tub and go to bed and then do it all over again. Not sitting down at a desk or on the couch is part of the reason that I have been able to keep going. However, I’m going to have to rest soon so this doesn’t make me go backwards in my progress.
This all gives me hope that maybe my new protocol is making a difference! We will see in the weeks to come…
Sweating it out in the sauna and heading to the hot tub to soak out some soreness. 😉 I’ve got another busy day ahead of me!
………. I DID IT!!! I conquered the blue!! I finished the room and I did an excellent job! It looks amazing!!!!!!! I’m excited and really proud of myself! I got it done and I physically managed it!! A huge deal!!
– Saturday, August 22, 2015 9:03 PM
Sometimes I wonder who I would’ve been had Lyme not tried to destroy my life… But then I have to remind myself it is pointless to play this what if game. Today I get to choose who I will be now. How will I use my experiences? How will I use my dreams and passions and personality in this situation? I feel like I’ve totally failed at being a good version of myself for so many years. I don’t feel worthy of a big office/studio. I worry that even with the amazing space and better access to all my stuff that I will fail at doing anything worthwhile. That I won’t make a difference, that I won’t feel up to accomplishing anything creative or beautiful. That I will just flop and be unproductive and worthless even in a big beautiful space. But my sweety says I’m worth it and he wants me to have this space… I’m so thankful and feel so unworthy of it that instead of being giddy with excitement I’m in tears from being grateful. I’m telling myself I don’t have to prove anything. I don’t have to prove my worthiness. I don’t have to be big and successful making lots of money. I just need to be me. To be me in this situation. To be present in this and live each moment the way I would live it… Not the way I THINK others expect me to. I just need to be fully me in this and fully me in how I use the space. What makes me excited? What makes me happy? What is me now? What dreams do I bring back to life? What dreams do I leave behind? And what new dreams can I dream up?? Tomorrow I step into my life in my new studio office. I get to choose how I do this life! I’m no longer on hold waiting… I’m stepping forward and walking in faith that I will stay functional and hopefully will overcome and be strong and symptom free again. Even though at this time I am limited and the pain slows me down and mentally exhausts me, my God is limitless and strong… He walks with me, teaches me, inspires me and gives me exactly what I need. I praise him in the struggle!
– Wednesday, August 26, 2015 5:52 AM
Yesterday was my first day working in my new office. I didn’t get a lot accomplished but I did do a lot of planning out what I want to get done. I also spent time coloring. Being creative feeds my soul but I have been so stuffed down for so long that the creative flow isn’t there to the point that I feel like I shouldn’t be creative unless there is an end purpose. So now I have no creative flow. So, I have decided to try and do some coloring before I work each day to give myself a chance to get back into the flow even when I can’t think of anything creative to do… Maybe soon I will break out my book The Artist’s Way again soon and go through it to help break down the walls blocking my creativity. I’m so excited about my new office!!
– Monday, August 31, 2015 5:59 AM
The last day of another month. I think overall this has been an easier month. I’ve herxed less and had less really bad days. I’ve been doing more physically and am having to force myself to slow down because I can accidentally do too much. Also, my period this month was a breeze compared to the last few years. So that is a big deal. This morning I’m exhausted as usually and am in pain as usual but I’m living and doing so I’m thankful for what I can do! Climbing the stairs everyday is a huge deal! I can actually do it! Yesterday I took the day off and rested because I over did it on Saturday cleaning on my rest day… So I needed to take it easy. I think it was good to not do the stairs yesterday.
Gotta go shower and get everyone off to school and work now.
“Joy is the echo of God’s Love in your life!” There may be pain in my body and tears in my eyes but there is joy in my heart! I will not let the enemy steal my joy! I share so you don’t feel alone in your journey to health. I share so you know that you are loved by our Heavenly Father. I share so your heart can be full of joy no matter what! We are not home yet! Hang on tight to joy and share it with the world!
Live the Life You Want to Live!