April 1, 2015
Woke up herxing again but I’m finally getting a really good sweat in the infrared sauna this morning! Yay! For feeling a bit better!!
Okay I’m really dealing with extra flulike herxing symptoms lately. I can’t seem to get caught up on detoxing… So I guess I’m going to break out my tub of activated charcoal and take a TBSP each day until my body can get a better grip on everything! I’m still doing my oils and my infrared sauna but I seem to need a bit extra. I try to ignore how I am when I wake up in the morning but it is a sign as to how I’m doing overall and if my body is handling the toxins. Like today I woke up limping and struggling to walk with achy skin, muscles, joints and flu like symptoms. So, I must work harder at getting more sleep at night and detoxing more! Oh I just want to curl up somewhere. But today is a big work day. I have tons of stuff on my plate that needs to be done! I refuse to get anymore behind! I refuse to let this disease make me the “undependable sick girl”.
Today I start day one of the extra oils for the first 14 days of the month. (Yes I’m starting a day late).
I asked my hubby to take care of the kids this morning so I could sleep because I felt like I just couldn’t catch up and my body was struggling… Feeling like I was losing progress. So he took it to the next level and slept out in the living room so I wouldn’t be disturbed at all. I still had one little one come in for snuggles in the middle of the night, but then I locked the door. I got almost 12 hours in bed! Wow! That hasn’t happened in probably over a year! I wish I could say I feel amazing this morning! I’m still stiff as usual but I’m not herxing so that is a relief. I feel more rested and I feel like I can think clearer. I’m realizing that I’m going to have to have a lot of discipline about bed time. I’m going to have to start going to bed as soon as the kids fall asleep. No staying up to hang out or have grown up time. I have to sleep!! This is vital to my recovery and vital to my work! If I’m too exhausted to think on top of feeling bad, I can’t do efficient work.
I’m relieved to say that I did not have extra pain before my period again this month. I’m excited that the Phytoestrogen is helping balance my hormones enough that the Lyme pain and symptoms are no longer getting worse before I start. That is a relief! However my cycle is rough and I’m still having the insane smooth muscle cramping in my intestines along with the period cramps. They aren’t as debilitating since I’ve been using the oils and supplements but they are still rough which means my hormones are still a bit out of balance. So I just ordered the herb I used to take back in college pre kids that helped keep my hormones doing great. So I’ll start taking the Dong Quai again in a couple of days and hopefully next month I’ll be smooth sailing! It is good to have less and less fluctuations so I know I am slowly improving instead of riding a terrible roller coaster of pain and worse pain.
I know the fight isn’t over because I still remember the ability to run and have fun! I still have an inkling of what it feels like to not have pain. I still expect to feel great when I wake up in the morning. I always expect to have complete health when I wake up. This has never left me in the all the years I have been battling this disease. So I know that the fight isn’t over! I will not lose hope!
I find it interesting that the last week or so I’m ignoring myself less. To get through each day I ignore the pain and fatigue in my body unless it debilitated me. That is just how I live. It has been years since I actually had enough energy or didn’t have to modify or push through some sort of pain somewhere in my body. I sometimes actually forget that what I feel isn’t normal. Many times I wonder why I don’t feel like doing things… Then I take a moment to feel and I realize I’m aching and hurting and exhausted. Oh! I’m not normal! That is why! Maybe I should give myself a break… Maybe I shouldn’t beat myself up!
Reading so many stories about others with Lyme disease has made it so I’m more aware of my own battle minute by minute throughout the day.
Today I am tired. My brain is foggy. My eyes aren’t very clear. Being upright is tough. I wish I had more words to explain but I seem to be out of words.
Well this first half of the month has been manageable and I haven’t herxed or felt worse much but I also know there have been a couple days where I didn’t get all three doses in. Yesterday I made sure I did so I’m herxing a bit today but sweatin out in the sauna.
I’m feeling a bit more empowered. I decided to hire people to help me with my work. My jobs have actually gotten bigger than me so I’m bringing in reinforcements to help. This is already lowering my stress level some.
Then I realized I really am Superwoman or a Super Hero being a mom of three and running my own businesses and doing all this with a chronic illness of pain and fatigue!! Even though I may be super I need a team of other Super Heroes because doing everything is too much for just one. So, I need to build a team to help me do life – like the Avengers or X-Men or Fantastic Four or the Incredibles!!! Oh yeah! I can do life better with a team. So, I’ve hired a teenager to come help me keep my floors clean. I realized that it has been 3 YEARS since I could get down on the floor comfortably and for 3 YEARS I have just looked at the stuff on the floor and beat myself up for being a failure. Well, I am NO failure! I’m succeeding at so many other things in life! I will not let this disease steal that from me anymore! So, it could be months or years or never before I can easily pick up toys, trash, clothes, and wipe up yuck. This is a physical limitation and not a personal failure! I can do amazing things… I just can’t clean the floor. So, building my team for success means also covering my weaknesses… not because I suck but because right now I just can’t. So onward and upward! Better outlook on life! Better setup for my life! Less stress all around! Not sure where the money will come from but stepping out in faith that God will take care of me as I take care of the needs in my house.
I feel awesome! I feel amazing! I feel great!! These words may not be true… But speaking the other words hurts my soul! I walk in the positive! Eventually my thoughts will bring it to be true!
Sometimes I have the weirdest symptoms…. For the last few hours the skin on the back of my right arm hurts when it is touched even if it is just brushed with fabric. I’m thankful it isn’t the rest of my body (because that happens sometimes too) and it is just my arm right now.
– Wednesday, April 15, 2015
This battle is exhausting physically, mentally and spiritually. It has been over 3 years since I could bend and straighten my right knee (swollen and distorted from Lyme). It has been 14 years since I felt “normal”. Physically it takes so much effort to live because I haven’t felt like being out of bed in years. Everyday I have to push through just to have a normal-ish life. Physically that is draining because I have responsibilities that I choose to take care of instead of laying in bed. Mentally I sometimes hit a breaking point when my “push through button” seems to break and I run out of the mental tenacity it takes to control my body and emotions through the exhaustion and pain. Spiritually it is tough because I have to lean so hard on faith to live because I don’t have the advantage of having a human life that has ease… Sometimes I forget and lean on my own strength… that makes me spiritually exhausted.
Fighting to win! Everyday!! I will never give up!!
Sometimes tears are what bring me strength. I let out the anger, sadness, exhaustion, frustration, grief, etc… And I really let it out!! Then I pick myself back up and keep fighting… Sometimes daily and sometimes multiple times a day… Sometimes it is what you have to do when the journey so hard so you can keep going! Failure is not an option. One of these days hopefully it won’t be so hard!! I’m better every month!
– Thursday, April 16, 2015
Totally ran out of spoons last night but I went hard all day and helped my helper get most of the floors picked up and vacuumed. I went to bed early but still woke up exhausted and really stiff this morning.
– Friday, April 17, 2015
It is incredible how much Fruit Infused water I drank yesterday!! I couldn’t get enough! It was totally crazy. I was so thirsty and just wanted more and more!! I almost kinda limited myself because I wanted so much! Crazy! It was amazing!! I felt better and better all day long!! Then I survived last night well which was totally crazy. I stayed up too late watching a movie and then Hubby kept coughing which meant I couldn’t sleep and then my little one woke up with a bad dream. And then I was up at 5:45a. The incredible thing is that I woke up rather alert and awake and not crazy groggy like usual. I haven’t woke up this alert in forever!!
….. I just can’t get over how awake I feel this morning! Also my arms seem to be less heavy and my low back is slightly less stiff. It is wonderful to feel this slight improvement all over my body! Maybe if I keep this up I will be able to detox better and handle my protocol even better and the improvement will speed up!! Here’s to hoping!!
– Sunday, April 19, 2015
Yesterday I pulled weeds for almost 3 hours (with help)! Under my oak tree looks wonderful now! But today my hands are definitely not happy. They always hurt and are stiff but today my joints are more swollen in my fingers and wrists and my fingertips are really sore. I hope they recover quickly.
I have been doing a lot more massages lately so my hands are already being worked a lot so I don’t need them to hurt extra bad. I usually do pretty well with the massages because I modify how I use my hands so that I don’t cause them extra problems. 😉
– Monday, April 20, 2015
Today I’m going to try and start with one drop each of melaleuca and lemongrass and work my way up to 1 drop each 3 times a day and then each month increase until I’m at 3 drops 3 times a day. Both are known for busting up the “concrete” that sometimes encases the super bad bugs. Onward and upward and sweatin it out in my infrared sauna! Hoping for no worse days!
My hands still aren’t good. I hope they feel better soon.
– Monday, April 20, 2015
Sometimes I still can’t believe this is my life…as though I’m living in a time warp or something… It still feels unreal that this is how I live day in and day out and have been for years. I still have dreams where I am perfectly healthy and living normally… Only to wake up and realize it was all a dream. Talk about a very disappointing way to start your day!!
Today has been a tough day. Work was tough, the kids were tough, the exhaustion and pain were tough… I didn’t handle it my best today. Hoping tomorrow I have it in me!
– Tuesday, April 21, 2015
Herxing a little bit this morning… Sweating it out in my sauna.
I am struggling to force myself to exercise. I never have “extra” and I’ve lost my determination. I need to exercise and lift weights to improve my strength but I think maybe the mental and physical exhaustion is getting to me. I’m having a hard time pushing through for fear of being more tired or more sore. I’m worried I’ll have less energy to do other things I need to do.
– Thursday, April 23, 2015
I stayed up crazy late 2 nights in a row, one for company and one for work. I knew if I didn’t rest today that I could lose the ground I’ve gained so I’ve taken most of the day off today to rest. However, I could totally lay in bed the rest of the day. But things to do, things to do! At least I can physically get up and do them though! Thankful for that!
– Monday, April 27, 2015
I’m working on creating a simple plan of the physical therapy that I need to do everyday. This is to help maintain my progress on bad days and then to improve strength and mobility on better days. Then I hope to have someone hold me accountable to it. I can’t do hard core exercises and weight loss program or anything normal or extreme because my body requires such gentle care. I’m a cheetah stuck in a broken snail’s body. But I’m determined to rehabilitate this body and keep it moving and hopefully get some of what I lost back. My life revolves around the rehabilitation of my body to just keep it functioning and on good days to keep moving forward. It is just hard to keep with it ALL daily because it is hard to see the progress and it is time consuming and exhausting. Not to mention that everything I do has a level of pain to it. Most days I can mentally push through it but other days I just get tired of causing myself pain by doing things that are somehow good for me. So I need someone to stick to it to cheer me on and at least make me do the minimum even on the bad days.
What I should be doing daily:
Infrared Sauna 30-45 minutes
My Plan to do in the Sauna to utilize this time:
(Arm raising exercises of all kinds, Basic Squats (stand up- sit down), Calf Raises, and Tummy twists.
Trampoline 5-15 minutes
Hot Tub stretching 15 minutes
Floor stretching (mind and body connection for grounding)
To get through the day I find I disconnect from myself so I don’t feel the pain and can function well. Reconnecting is important for my spirit so I can feel my body and emotions so I can be grounded and think clearer.
– Tuesday, April 28, 2015
I used 5 pound weights yesterday and did one set until my muscles were fatigued on each exercise. I’m not doing multiple sets because it is so easy for me to accidentally over do it. I’m a little sore and weak today. I want to do my exercises M-F so that I stay on track and develop a good habit that I don’t quit. So I’m going to do 5 pound weights on MWF and 2 pound weights on TTH. I’m hoping to get strong enough to move up to the 8 pound weights. I can lift them but they make me too tired and sore. So my goal is to strengthen and develop a habit I won’t quit because I don’t feel up to it. I need to be consistent so I can keep moving forward. Stopping and starting isn’t helpful.
Foggy brained today.
– Wednesday, April 29, 2015
So so tired this morning…. But I did my sauna exercises (mostly with my eyes closed but hey I got them done!) I’m also pretty weak this morning too. I can barely lift the 5 pound weights but I made myself do it. I couldn’t do very many reps but I made the effort and got it done!!
So foggy brained today
I’ve realized that I just couldn’t keep up with the fruit infused water… even though it made me feel so much better and so much more hydrated. I can’t seem to keep enough fruit in the house and keep up with making the water… maybe I’ll try again soon, because it really did seem to make a difference for me.
– Thursday, April 30, 2015
Woke up in a lot more pain today… But then started my period. That is pretty good for me. Only a couple of days of foggy brain and only one morning of extra pain with the hormone shift. That is an improvement!
Overall this month seemed to be tough but I’m happy about the improvement with the hormone balance and that I created a plan to stick to for my ongoing rehabilitation.
“Joy is the echo of God’s Love in your life!” There may be pain in my body and tears in my eyes but there is joy in my heart! I will not let the enemy steal my joy! I share so you don’t feel alone in your journey to health. I share so you know that you are loved by our Heavenly Father. I share so your heart can be full of joy no matter what! We are not home yet! Hang on tight to joy and share it with the world!
Live the Life You Want to Live!